By Julianna:
The mission of Old City CrossFit is well known; after all, many of us wear it on the backs of our t-shirts, and many of us are probably members of this gym because we see how coming to Old City regularly does in fact, Prepare us for Life. As it just so happens, I found out recently just how prepared for life I’ve become.
I was doing some spring cleaning, throwing out old stuff and re-organizing clothes and storage, and I realized I needed to buy a new chest-of-drawers. What could have been just a simple trip to Ikea and a silly, exaggerated story of buying and building a cheap piece of furniture, has turned into one of my proudest moments of my recent life, a story I have enthusiastically been telling as many people as I can.
You may not realize it, but buying Ikea furniture is a great way to test how well CrossFit has prepared you for life, and it’s a great way to remind yourself of the primal feats you’re capable of. In a world where I often feel like my resourcefulness isn’t tested because I don’t camp enough or I’m too domesticated because I don’t spend enough time “roughing” it in the wild like my paleo ancestors, I forget that there are small victories to be had right here every day in our own urban jungles. I found all this out the day I bought the MALM.
I have always been able to assemble basic cheap furniture from Ikea and Target. I have bought many of their cheap dressers and bookshelves and built them in the past, but this time when I bought, carried and assembled this particular Malm all by myself, I found a new appreciation for these abilities I have, one that I always took for granted before.
I hadn’t realized how heavy and awkward a boxed Malm could be. And you can’t imagine how nervous I was when I picked one up in the warehouse that day at Ikea. The minute I bent over to lift the 4-foot long box off the pile on the shelf I realized I probably should have brought someone else with me. It was frightening how heavy that thing was. When I managed to get it into my cart I even paused and considered whether this was even a good idea or if I should just come back another day with someone else to help me carry it. And I was really nervous I might hurt myself or drop it and break it after paying for it. And admittedly my vanity was nervous I would embarrass myself with the awkwardness of just trying to get it out of the store. But once I got it into the cart I resolved that if I was able to do that, I should be able to see this whole adventure through to the end. After all, I do CrossFit.
As I was standing in line with my cart groping at the Malm to try and lift it back out to pay for it, a man who appeared to be in his fifties behind me in line offered to help. I explained that I was trying to lift it back out of the cart and he walked up as if to help me.
He grabbed the Malm without really bracing himself and attempted to lift it out. It seemed that after looking at me he had thought this was going to be easy, and didn’t realize he was about to lift an 800-pound MALM. Because obviously if I could get it in the cart it must not have been that heavy, right? Of course I don’t blame him. It was very sweet of him to offer to help me. I was actually very grateful at the time. I had been nervous about doing it myself anyways, and wasn’t even sure if this would be safe. But what happened next made me realize just how strong I really was, and that I was capable of a lot more than I realized.
When he tried to lift it out it didn’t even shift position in the cart. Not one movement occurred. It didn’t even budge. And that’s when he burst out, “Whoa! That’s way too heavy!” threw his arms up and walked back to his own cart. I really was alone to carry this whole process out myself. I had to get it out because no one else around me could, and if I couldn’t I’d have to give up, take it back to the shelf and go home defeated. But this wasn’t going to happen. I had started this challenge, and I was going to finish it.
Deep down I knew I could do it. I had known all along. My primal self who had been dormant for so many years awoke within me that day and flexed her stiff muscles. She was ready to come to life again after centuries of repression through domestication and processed food. And she reminded me of my primal abilities. I could do it.
I do CrossFit. CROSSFIT! I lift heavy things regularly! I know how to do this safely. I really could do it. I could do something even though this grown man couldn’t. So I reached down into the cart straining at the difficult angle at which I had to grab it, and I deadlifted that MALM out of there. In that moment I felt like Rich Froning doing Fran and Kendrick Farris doing a Clean and Jerk. I was Superhuman.
You have no idea the pride I felt as I stood there in front of the stunned cashier and the poor helpful man and asked her where to set it down. In that moment I cannot explain all the years of self-doubt and negativity I overcame. I felt a rush of love and gratitude for all my physical abilities I had and for Old City CrossFit for preparing me for this victorious moment in life. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t spearing a mastodon from a tree branch like my paleo ancestors. Conquests don’t need to happen “in the wild” to remind me that I am a living, thriving beautiful human animal with strength and ability. I no longer live and survive. I thrive! And that is what paleo is all about.
So that’s right. I lifted a Malm when a grown man couldn’t. With my MUSCLES! The muscles I grew at Old City CrossFit!
Granted, it was awkward and goofy and I scratched up my arm pretty good (see picture), but I did it, and I’m going to be doing a lot more thriving from now on.
Malm Bites. Terrifying, I know.
I have to say for that man’s sake that I intended no harm to him or his ego with this story. In fact, I hope it inspired him. If I could go back I would have worn my Old City sweatshirt and probably made some allusion to the fact that doing CrossFit there had prepared me for life. But I guess this story will have to do instead.
My adversary The MALM. We have since reconciled and determined who is Alpha (me) and live now in harmony. He faithfully holds the sweatshirts. Good MALM.
So ya, if you aren’t sure whether Old City has prepared you for life yet, take a trip to Ikea and find yourself a Malm. And then conquer it. Welcome to Paleo.
– Julianna